Anything but Yes is NO

At a clinic recently, I was asked a question regarding saddling a horse or any other type of activity to the horse, where the horse was ear pinning and biting at the handler, and what would be my response or how would I handle the situation.

I did explain a few things that I would do (and have done) in the situation that certainly might seem to be quite left from center in terms of our normal practice and approach.

In the past, I would have grown up, probably like many learning that when a horse pins its ears or nips at you that you instantly you would reprimand to correct the behavior you don’t want and let them know that they wasn’t acceptable.

That they need to stand there and be saddled,  be brushed, have their feet picked up, whatever that particular task is that you’re trying to achieve. They just need to accept it.

I did struggle with the analogy of how I would express the correlation in a way that wasn’t about the horse ‘getting away with it.’

This might feel quite left to center in the thought process, and may be sensitive, but when we think of our own bodies, we know that anything but yes, is no. Let me say that again, anything but yes is no.

And to add to that there may be times when a yes becomes a no.

As I think about the horse, it’s the same. We are looking for the yes in their response.

There may be a yes in that we can brush the horse, and then when it comes to the saddle pad that could turn into a no.

There may be a yes that we can brush the horse, put a saddle pad on, and then the saddle becomes a no.

There may be a yes that we can brush the horse, and we could pick up the front feet, but the hind feet become a no.

And it then becomes imperative in our relationship on how we build trust to turn those no’s into yeses, without it being a forced Yes, or without it being that the horse gets to make the decision. They need to trust that you have their best interests in mind.

So, I appreciate that this analogy might feel quite sensitive, but I think it’s important that it’s the same that we think about the horse’s feelings.

I have certainly been told that they should be grateful that we’ve put a roof over their head, and that we feed them. We pay for their vet bills, we brush them, we can make sure that they’re taken care of.

And so, in a relationship that you know we might find ourselves in, let me ask you “How would we feel if we were in a relationship where we are told that we should be grateful that someone is taking care of us?” I can personally say that I don’t comply to that and I’ve been known to come out swinging when I get boxed in a corner.

I appreciate that this is quite a dramatic concept, and may be quite sensitive. Sometimes it’s helpful to try the perspective on for ourselves so that we can be better for the horse.

This is the change that I work on every day with me and my horse is to ensure that they have a choice, and a decision in their part of the relationship that we have together.